Washington DC, January 6, 2023: Kevin McCarthy has lost the House leadership battle to incoming New York freshman congressman George Santos.
“Billionaire George has proven that he’s got what it takes to lead a Republican majority,” proclaimed former President Donald Trump, in a surprise New Year’s Day push that resulted in 218 votes for Santos.
“Unlike faker Ron DeSanctimonious,” Trump declared, “George is a real Latino leader for our times. He’s a perfect, loyal, Republican, a true-believing Christian, and a hero of 9-11, where his mother, a Jewish holocaust survivor, died tragically, despite George rushing into the burning building and saving dozens of other people from certain death.”
Congress Member Marjorie Greene of Georgia worked all night New Year’s eve making visiting House members at parties and in their homes rounding up votes with an AR-15 assault rifle and electric prod. She denied rumors that she is held the families of a number of legislators hostage until they had voted for Santos.
“To kill socialism, we need party unity this week, not partying hedonists buying dildos at CVS,” Greene tweeted. “George is a true rags to riches success story, making a billion dollars on Wall Street and giving half of it away to charity before deciding to devote his career to saving our country from Communists, pedos & liars!”
Colorado Congress Member Lauren Boebert cast her vote for Santos with the comment, “Unlike RINO McCarthy, we can all trust George. Trust, integrity and truthiness is a rare commodity in Washington these days.”
