Washington, April 19, 2022. A report leaked from the ultra-secret Supreme Court Ethical Oversight Inspector General’s office revealed that the mysterious infection which hospitalized Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas last month was highly contagious insurrectionitis.
Thomas reportedly caught the fast-spreading OmniCoup variance of insurrectionitis from his wife Ginny, who has been known to be a super-spreader of the disease since Donald Trump’s first controversial, Putin-aided election in November 2016.
For years, Justice Thomas has displayed mild symptoms of the disease, which replaces critical thinking with hatred of all U.S. Government policies helping those who are not wealthy, as well as opposition to women’s control over their own bodies and any constitutional amendment or congressional law protecting the rights of Black people to vote.
Viewers of Fox News, Newsmax, Sinclair Broadcasting and OAN, whose ability to think rationally is already eroded by fascist propaganda, are known to be the most susceptible to insurrectionitis. Education typically offers protection against the disease, with the exception of elected Republican officials Ted Cruz, Tom Cotton and Josh Hawley.
On January, Thomas’ lone dissent in an otherwise unanimous 8 to 1 Supreme Court decision that rejected a legal attempt, by uncharged domestic terrorist Donald Trump, to block the release of White House records related to his January 6 coup, indicated a worsening of the Justice’s insurrectionist infection. These records include numerous texts from Jan 6 riot organizer Ginny Thomas to White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, including one right after election day that said, “Do not concede. It takes time for the army who is gathering for his back.”
According to the report, Justice Thomas’ topical treatment for insurrectionitis, in the form of oligarch bribes applied through his wife, failed to prevent him from choking on his own words and on March 18, he needed was admitted to Sibley Memorial Hospital for additional treatment.
The 73-year old judge spent one week in the hospital, where his infection was treated with antibiotics, a short-term cure that allows him to continue making hypocritical decisions that defy the U.S. Constitution without choking.
The only known long term cure for insurrectionitis is accountability and the application of federal statutes forbidding sedition conspiracy, election interference, forged election documents, obstruction of justice or incitement to violence.
Insurrectionitis has been spreading unchecked in Washington D.C. due to the unwillingness of Attorney General Merrick Garland to hold a single Republican leader accountable for organizing the most dangerous insurrection since the Civil War.
Experts warn that unless President Biden replaces his timid attorney general soon, insurrectionitis will to continue to spread, culminating in a 2024 decertification coup, which Republican legislatures in numerous states have laid the groundwork for by passing new laws disenfranchising election results when their presidential candidate fails to win.
This 2024 decertification coup, legal experts explain, will be validated by Justice Thomas, as well as an undisclosed number of other infected insurrectionists recently named to the Supreme Court for this very purpose.